Last week I was paying too much attention to the chatter in my head, and not enough attention to the oncoming traffic.  Before I knew it, my head was trying to decipher a string of expletives hurled my way as a car passed so close that I could feel the heat of the grill graze my legs. I tried to offer an apologetic wave, but my hand would not cooperate.  Frozen in time, all I could do was read the bumper sticker peeling off the back fender, “The Universe rearranges itself to accommodate your picture of reality”.

I’ve since decided that my encounter with this car was no accident.  In fact, if there was ever a way to get my attention this was it.  I have been so intently focused on trying to perfect my professional life, that I’ve lost sight of the big picture.  I’ve always had a mild obsession with professional success.  A younger version of myself believed that a magna cum laude diploma was license for success, and to some degree it was.  I later learned that success and satisfaction are not mutually exclusive.  In response to such disappointment, I began a frantic quest for some sort of professional nirvana, which has isolated me from balancing forces like friendship, relationship and family.  I’ve skimped on spending time with friends to juggle multiple jobs, I’ve dodged dates because I’m embarrassed by my current state of confusion, and I’ve avoided discussing work with family to escape judgment.  What a miserable reality I have created.  How on earth can I expect to uncover something new and fulfilling in a thick haze of disillusionment?

It seems as though it’s time to redistribute my energy.  While professional satisfaction would be a welcomed change, I’ve retired the search.  Perhaps as the haze clears, it will free up space for something new.  In the meantime, I’m looking forward to reclaiming the here and now.  Now is the time to be grateful for what is, to rekindle friendships, indulge in relationship, and appreciate family. Surrendering does not mean giving up.  For me, it’s relinquishing the illusion of control for a pumpkin spice latte with my best friends or a night out with the man I can’t stop thinking about.  It’s trusting that maybe, just maybe, the Universe will eventually rearrange itself to accommodate these simple pleasures so that I may feel simply satisfied.

50 Simple Things You Can Do Instead of Shopping

by Vicki Robin

One of the articles in What Is Enough? (IC#26)
Summer 1990, Page 36

Shopping is our favorite national pastime. More than the simple act of acquiring needed goods and services, shopping fills a myriad of needs: socializing, time structuring, reward for a job well done, anti-depressant (some people now call buying “retail therapy”), esteem booster, self-assertion, status, nurturance, baby-sitting, even exercise (mall walking is a favorite among cardiac patients). Indeed, a Martian anthropologist might conclude that The Mall is our place of worship, and shopping the central ritual of communion with our deity. Yet “shopping till we drop” has taken on a gruesome meaning, given how we’ve depleted our shop-worn planet. If we keep shopping, we may all drop – and take many other life forms with us. But how can we stop shopping???

The 12-step movement has already embraced shopping as a bona fide addiction. There are “shop-aholics,” every bit as driven as alcoholics, and “Debtors Anonymous” is supporting thousands in shaking the credit-card habit. While temperance may be a virtue, however, it will take more than virtue to convert us from our shopping religion. It will take discovering, or re-dis-covering, alternatives to consumption that give us equal or greater pleasure.

Into this void I offer the following list of simple activities one can do, at little or no cost. But shop-aholics beware: don’t let these suggestions devolve into excuses for further splurging! And note that many activities, when done with a friend, take on a whole new meaning; I leave these to your imagination.

1. Go for a picnic. Lunch used to be something you ate. Now it’s something you “do,” as in “Let’s do lunch on Thursday.” Try “doing” your next business meeting as a picnic in a park.

2. Walk. Walk to work. Walk to the store. Walk around the block and say hello to your neighbors. Walk briskly for 30 minutes three times a week. Doctors say it’s good for your heart. Or walk slowly, concentrating on your breath. Buddhists say it’s good for your soul.

3. Walk with a friend. You might simply enjoy the company. But you could ask, “How are you?”… and then listen to the reply. The steady rhythm of walking allows an intimacy not often achieved while shopping together.

4. Phone a friend. Let your fingers do the walking. Let them know you care. Let them care for you. If you’re on the verge of splurging, phoning a friend is a good way to purge the urge!

5. Hike. Hiking is like walking, only further, steeper, and on trails instead of streets. But beware – “hiking” is more seductive than “walking” to the shopper in you. To walk, you need a pair of shoes and street clothes. To hike you might feel compelled to buy high-tech sneakers, multi-pocketed reinforced shorts, and a day-glo daypack. But people have always walked great distances without such things and survived.

6. Watch the clouds. Get outside – lie on your back in the grass. Observe the process called clouds.

7. Look at the stars. Try focusing on the reality of looking out, not up. You are on a ball in space. These stars are your neighbors. Their light has taken years to reach your retina. Wink back.

8. Read a book. The public library system can get you practically any book in print through inter-library loan. If they don’t have it, they’ll even buy it for you! What’s more, they’ll store it for you. Such a deal!

9. Teach someone to read. Access to the rights and privileges of citizenship is limited for those who can’t read. Tutors are needed in every locale. Empowering another person is one of life’s greatest pleasures.

10. Volunteer. Do this, and you will never be bored again! Unlike work that we must do for money, volunteering is delightfully voluntary. You get to express your values, work on causes you care about, work with people who inspire you, help someone in need, get recognition, feel part of the larger community, forget your own troubles, learn new skills, take on challenges, feel good about yourself, experience your power to make a difference and even get some juicy credits for your resume. In a culture that worships the workplace (a necessary adjunct to shopping!), doing things for free has fallen into disrepute. At the same time, in a culture where so many people are locked into 40 (or more!) hour-a-week jobs, volunteers become powerful free agents able to make change happen when and where it’s needed. Volunteers don’t have to wait for a boss or the government to bless their activities through a paycheck. They just say Yes – and do what needs to be done.

11. Learn to maintain your own car. With shop time costing up to $50 an hour, doing simple maintenance is a real bargain. Beyond the cost savings, there’s a sense of power in being able to fearlessly open the hood of your car and understand what you’re seeing. And contrary to cultural myths, women make great mechanics.

12. Learn a language. People who are mono-lingual exclude themselves from participating in the richness of other cultures. The gentle route to being multi-lingual is through community colleges or do-it-yourself books. For the daring, dive into another culture – and swim! Then go beyond surviving – and make yourself useful.

13. Learn geography. Do you know where your water comes from, what mountain ranges are in your bioregion? Can you read a topographical map? Which nations are considered “Third World” and why? To learn about your locale, be it the neighborhood or the planet, is a magical, engaging activity that leads inexorably to love.

14. Study nature. Learn to identify the trees, birds, animals and flowers in your neck of the woods. Study their habits. When do they flower, fruit or forage? What happens as seasons change?

15. Go to a local botanical park, arboretum or public garden. Now’s the time to stop and “smell the roses.”

16. Go to the zoo. It may open your heart to the many species disappearing from the planet at the rate of two per day. What can we do?

17. Go to your local museums. Many are free. By seeing art and artifacts of other cultures and civilizations we come to learn that we aren’t the only (or wisest) ones to have ever lived on earth.

18. Make music. Pick up the instrument you played in high school. Pick up a used one at a flea market. Make a deal to use the piano at your local church. Translating notations on paper into music is ecstasy. Translating the music you have inside yourself into notes on an instrument is ecstasy squared.

19. Make music with a friend … or two. From two guitars to chamber ensembles on up – making music together is an ancient and honored ritual. There was a time, not long ago, when entertainment consisted of singing around a piano or jamming with some fiddles and banjos.

20. Join a choir. Be it a church or a civic choir, singing with others expands you. Christmas caroling will transform your block or apartment building into a neighborhood. Sing in hospitals, in nursing homes or even (!) in shopping malls – anywhere where people are shut away from the vitality of life.

21. Draw a picture. Kids don’t need to be called artists to pick up a pencil and draw. Neither do you. Draw what you see with your eyes or with your mind’s eye. If you’re too indoctrinated with a sense of failure, work with the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain.

22. Take pictures. You will need a camera, but that will give you smart shopper practice. Research and compare. Search the want ads. Buy film and processing on sale. Remember, taking pictures doesn’t have to be equipment-intensive.

23. Write. Write on any topic that comes to mind. Write a poem, even if it doesn’t rhyme – play with the sounds and meanings of words. Write an essay about a subject that gets your dander up. Write a story. If you think you have nothing to say, you haven’t listened to your mind recently. It never stops chattering. Take dictation – edit later.

24. Write to a friend. While it may seem simpler to call, you may be able to say in a letter what you wouldn’t dare say on the phone or in person. And your letter may well be cherished and saved for years.

25. Write to a stranger. A prisoner. A pen-pal. You’d be amazed how many people out there need a friend.

26. Write to your congresspeople. Participation is what makes democracy work. If you only communicate by voting, your representatives might not get your message right.

27. Write for human rights. People who are treating other people (or the planet) badly do not like to be watched. Let them know you know what they’re doing. Write first to Amnesty International, 322 8th Ave, NY, NY 10001.

28. Write to the media. Our positive acts – be they planting trees in our neighborhood or calling a citizen’s summit for a healthy city – are multiplied 1,000-fold if they are reported in the papers or on TV. Be the good news.

29. Improvise. You can start out small, doing skits at home (remember charades?). Or join an improvisational theater group; there are more non-actors than actors in them. It keeps your mind limber, and teaches you to think on your feet (a good skill for those purging the urge to splurge). Related activities: “contact improvisation,” dancing, all kinds of dancing, spinning around in a meadow until you fall down …

30. Join a club. If you have an interest or a hobby, there’s probably a club for it. You get to learn a lot, get out of the house once in a while, and interact with other nuts like you. Clubs span the whole range from A (Audubon) to Z (ZPG) and all the passions in between.

31. Start a club. Put an ad in the classifieds or on a community bulletin board. Create your own subculture. Be a leader of a parade that doesn’t exist yet. March to a different drummer and see if anyone else is out of sync along with you.

32. Clean your house. There’s nothing like cleaning to get the blood going and the virtue up. Especially useful as an antidote to shopping is cleaning out your closets, basement, attic or garage. It’s perfect “aversion therapy” – you’ll never want to buy another useless widget that will take up space, gather dust and increase your burden of consumer debt.

33. Have a garage sale. It’s nice to be on the other side of the cash register for once. Besides getting rid of junk and earning some money, it gives you a chance to meet your neighbors and your neighbors a chance to satisfy their curiosity about what’s in your closets and drawers.

34. Write a will. Take your housekeeping to another level and parcel out your worldly possessions on paper. After extensive cleaning out, the phrase “you can’t take it with you” may sound like a benediction. Some people have given their treasures to friends and family before they die, so they get to enjoy the pleasure of giving.

35. Write a shopping list. Nothing ruins splurging like a little forethought. Make a list of what you need before you leave the house. Buy only what’s on the list.

36. Splurge … but economically. The pleasure of saying “yes” to the urge to splurge is the same, whether you’re at the Salvation Army or Saks Fifth Avenue, and the morning after is a lot less painful.

37. Splurge … for service. Offer to shop for the elderly and shut ins. Become the “purchasing agent” for your local AIDS or homeless task force. Shelters, half-way houses, hospice houses all need everything from furniture to linens to kitchen utensils. Beg, borrow or buy at bargain prices everything that’s needed for such households. After a few such major projects you might finally have enough of shopping!

38. Splurge … but consciously. A few choice luxuries are a delight – and they don’t have to be expensive!

39. Count your money. Know how much you’re earning and spending. Each dollar represents a portion of your life – you traded your life energy for it. Where is it going? Are you getting fulfillment for each dollar spent? Are you spending your life-energy (money) in ways that support your values? Counting your money, without greed or judgment, is a meditation well suited to the Western mind.

40. Garden. While we don’t “grow” flowers and vegetables (nature does), it’s a joy to create the conditions for your favorite ones to do their thing.

41. Bake some bread. Paeans have been written to home-baked bread. And whole shelves of cookbooks too (shop-aholics beware)! Baking bread nourishes both body and soul.

42. Have guests over to share a meal. Sharing a meal (as opposed to putting on a dinner party) is a wonderful way to express friendship. Breaking bread together is an ancient ritual, and it’s still the primary form of socializing for people in less affluent countries.

43. Do a “heartsharing”. After dinner, after the dishes, after you’ve closed the book on the day, turn off the phone and sit down with family and/or close friends to share at a deeper level. The “rules” are simple. Begin with a period of silence. One person talks at a time with the total attention of the others until s/he indicates s/he is through (often by just saying, “the end”). There is no feedback, no cross talk. After a person shares, the most you say is “thank you” – even (especially!) if their sharing totally contradicts your version of reality. The content can be anything from the events of the day to a deep insight into the nature of the divine. All is listened to with total attention and, most important, no judgment. When everyone has shared all they want, heartsharing is over. The end.

44. Touch someone. Non-erotic touching – massage, hair brushing, hugging, stroking, and cuddling – has the power to soothe the “hungry beast,” be the hunger physical, psychological or spiritual. Human contact is the most basic form of reassurance we know, and is far more nurturing than a shopping spree. People who are “out of touch” can do drastic things – everything from suicide to homicide and all the numbness in between. So, “reach out and touch someone” is good, basic advice for the recovering shop-aholic.

45. Touch yourself. We’ve been taught to hate our bodies. If in doubt, try this test. Stand naked in front of a mirror and see if you can accept what you see unconditionally. Touching yourself with loving hands converts your judgment to kindness. Self-pleasuring is a wonderful way to nurture your own body, and to learn what gives you pleasure so you can share that knowledge with your partner.

46. Make love. Certainly more compelling than shopping! In an environment of caring and respect, it’s an unsurpassed ritual of union with another and with life.

47. Meditate. Meditation can be a simple 20-minutes-a-day vacation from your outer personality or a lifetime of patient sitting in a monastery. Find a friend, a teacher or a book that resonates with you, and put their simple, clear instructions into practice. Then do it again tomorrow. And tomorrow. And tomorrow. Allow spirit to reveal itself to you in patient daily receptivity.

48. Chant. Unlike singing, which is more emotional and social, chanting is designed to take you to a deeper inner level – where you can experience the truth of spiritual teachings. Almost every mystical tradition includes chanting.

49. Visualize world peace. Spend time thinking about what sort of future you’d like for yourself and for the planet. What is your ideal world? Make it vivid. How do people interact? How is conflict resolved? How do people support themselves and their families? What happens to old people? What one thing can you do this week to bring this world into being?

50. Do nothing. Perhaps the most challenging activity for those of us reared in the West is to do nothing. We’ve been raised on “don’t just stand there, do something.” Doing nothing means relinquishing all effort to change things, inwardly or outwardly. Everything is as it should be. It’s all okay. The ability to do nothing is the hallmark of having “purged the urge to splurge.” If you can do nothing, you are free.

Fromm quote:

Paraphrase: “If our lives are not directed toward humanity at some point, our existence is irrelevant.”

Bateson quote: “If I am right.  The whole of my thinking about who we are and what other people are has got to be restructured… The most important task of today is to learn to think in a new way.”

Einstein quote: “The love of country has succeede at bridging people at the national level.  The great new historical challenge is the development of love amoungst all the Earth’s inhabitants, and for the Earth itself.”

Buckminster Fuller: “The world is now too dangerous for anything less than utopia.”

Joanna Macy: “I think that society and our planet need for us to wake up to who we are and what we are, which is a fundamental challenge to the concept of self.  The idea that we are separate entities, that we can be aloof from each other and aloof from what we do, that we are so fragile that we need to keep endlessly consuming to complete ourselves is completely dysfunctional and, I believe, pathogenic.”

Goethe: “In searching for your self, look for it in the world; in searching for the world, look for it in yourself.”

When we can be honest about what we need, or clear about how we might supplement ourselves to insure success, we set ourselves up to build (win/win) relationships that me become our support team.

Come closer to your family.

Stop the world-disconnect for a change.

Discover your children’s concerns and fears.

Interview your children and your aging parents about what’s important to them in life.

Interview your neighbors about their concerns.

Think conscious community.

Think conscious interdependence.

Think about reducing alienation in your community.

Think an action orientation.

Think synergy.

Think about your own energy and wellness.

Think relevance, integrity, intentionality, alignment, being on purpose.

Support the creative process.  Support your creative process.

Understand the creative process.

Think about your own authenticity and your own integrity.  What does it mean to you.

Where are the places in your life where you could be more responsible about utilizing the resources you take for granted.

How virtuous do you feel now?

Take an action that makes a difference in someone’s life to whom you’re not related by blood.

Bring new art and music into your life.

Refresh your library of healthy stimulation.

Turn to your neighbor and refer them to a great CD or film you’ve seen recently.

See Being There, with Peter Sellers.

See, The Magic Christian.

How can you line yourself up more efficiently in your life so that you can feel better about your life, be more efficient, have higher self esteem and therefore feel more authentic and more integritous and more confident as you approach to “do business?”

What can you teach/model/share as a result of your own experience that brings you closer to them as a trusted advisor?

From Crisis to Opportunity

When change is on the personal agenda, many people check out.  They do whatever they can to avoid facing the change.  This kind of behavior thwarts growth.

Since we are living in a time of accelerated change, from an industrial society into an informational society, we all must address this issue if we are to continue experiencing human as well as technological growth.

Lucid Learning Systems will focus on change, transition, and ultimately transformation as it relates to ourselves, our relationships, our families and our work in the world.  Our approach, holistic in scope, emphasizes the innate power we all have to understand and transform ourselves by recognizing and acting upon he messages we receive through our mind, body, spirit and environment.

With the recognition and understanding of change comes opportunity and the ability to move forward with courage.

Many people fear change.  They believe that change is a basic threat to their equilibrium because the body actually feels it.  The fear of change manifests itself in the form of distress commonly known as “stress.”  A red alert is felt – tense muscles, quickened heart rate, increased perspiration; a primitive “fight” or “flight” reaction.  Our belief system can perceive stress as an assault on our life’s purpose.

Life in the 21st century is moving so quickly that our children are anxious about their place in a changing world.  They are experiencing a direct need to know of their individual purpose in life.  Some indirect ways that children exhibit their fears – their stress – are in the form of learning disorders/school failure, apathy/depression and attentional/behavioral difficulties.

As our children grow to be teenagers, their responsibilities increase and their sense of purpose can become confused.  They respond to their stresses with anger, resentment and ambivalence and may attempt to cope by taking drugs, or “cop out” by ignoring their responsibilities, eventually losing respect for themselves and alienating others.

Adults, trying to balance their work/play/love lives can manifest stressful changes by smoking more cigarettes, not performing up to capacity at work, overeating and/or impulsively and compulsively spending money.  Their values become unclear, their directions obscure, elusive.   Despair, disillusionment, disengagement and disorientation appear.

During each growth cycle we are confronted with many changes.  If our notion in life is that things constantly change, then events passing through will be anticipated, expected and more easily processed and assimilated.  The impact of fear decreases as self-understanding increases.  Our belief system needs to learn to accept change as an ongoing process because it is this system that mediates and reduces fear-causing stress.

People who can assimilate change quickly and accommodate to it behaviorally have the advantage.  They are successful, fulfilled and live life with admirable spirit.

To facilitate the assimilations or change, Lucid Learning Systems develops and hosts workshops and seminars focusing on human empowerment tailor-made for business/industry; organizations; families; school groups; groups of unrelated individuals; and for individuals of all ages.

Remember, success depends upon:

- Clarifying what it is you value, how you want your life to be.

- Your ability to plan effectively

- Your willingness to take risks and commit yourself

- An efficient use of time and personal energy

- Creative thinking to increase your options

The issue that needs a decision _______________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Visualize and describe the outcome you’d like to experience.

Name a barrier or two that might impede a satisfying resolution.

How might you overcome these barriers? What alternatives do you have? (…using your own resources and/or the assistance of others, etc.)

How are your chances for success?  What makes you think this?

Name a few positive outcomes to be derived from achieving this goal or making this decision.

What are the odds that a negative outcome might occur?  What might it be?  How can you reduce the odds?

Do the positive outcome possibilities outweigh the negatives?  Is it worth trying?

If yes, what steps might you take to achieve your goal?

Later: After you’ve acted on this plan, evaluate it.  Does it provide you with a workable strategy?  What modifications would you make for next time?… for your child?… for your spouse?

How do I go about getting what I need from life?  How do I create my world?  How do others help/stop me from doing that?

When do you feel connected?

How do you envision your future? The future of the planet?

When have you felt the most aware and in touch with your senses, surroundings, ideas, other people?

How do I feel about being alive, existing, in the world, as it is today?

Is today’s society good or bad for people?

What do you miss most from your childhood

What gives you hope? What discourages you?

Where do you see yourself living 20 years from now? Imagine…what brought you there?

1. Breathing is the single most important skill for calming body and mind.

2. The happiest and most productive people are passionate about life. Make a list of the people, places and things that feed your soul and that deplete your life force. Keep it posted where you can see it.

3. Patience is an opportunity to love deeply, and to wring the last drop of juice out of life. Think about moving more slowly and hold it as a value.

4. When you are centered, it’s easier to respond to people, to catch the nuances of their attention, and to let inspiration flow through you.

5. Music can help the body heal, reduce the stress and initiate sleep.

6. Develop a healthy, attentive relationship with your financial life. Being unsettled/uninformed about your money matters creates an underlying stress that reinforces denial. Building life upon a shaky foundation reinforces feelings of insecurity.

7. A refuge corner of personal sanctuary can be a powerful part of your self care strategy – a warm and welcoming place where the demands of life recede and stillness takes over.

8. People who try new things are healthier and happier than those who stay in a rut. Be adventurous! Experiment with new routines.

9. Procrastination about completing a task that you need to attend to is one of the greatest misuses of time.

10. You can change your habits and learn to manage your time, but without learning to manage your mind inner peace is impossible.

11. Seeing things from a different and more flexible perspective is a great tool to have in your mental bag of tricks. Learning to identify your pessimistic thoughts and reframe them optimistically is essential for living with yourself in peace rather than in agitation. Try it!

12. When you learn to manage your mind, take care of yourself, relate to others with compassion and kindness and develop a mindful approach to life, gratitude will arise all by itself. If it doesn’t arise naturally, remind yourself with a list of gratitudes on a daily basis.

13. You are the authority on your life. You will be more peaceful if you listen for the wisdom in other people’s advice, then take what serves you and leave the rest.

14. Peace comes from knowing yourself…and trusting yourself to make decisions that serve life and love. Keeping a journal reinforces your self-knowledge.

15. Meditation can help train your mind and change your attitude. Taking a daily walk in all kinds of weather can bring you to recognition of both the beauty and the impermanence of life. Reverence develops naturally over time.

16. Forgiveness is not something you do for another person; it is about setting yourself free and finding peace.

17. It may be easier to avoid unpleasant truths in the short run, but in the long run, better communication invites growth and change. Communication skills can be learned. Seek instruction. It’s everywhere.

18. The deep sense of connection, worth and belonging that love provides is as close to heaven as we mortals experience on Earth. Remember, love is much more than romantic love. ALL LOVE COUNTS!!!!

19. A sense of meaning makes our time precious and helps us weather life’s storms, growing from adversity rather than feeling powerless or victimized. Practice creating meaning even when it seems like a challenge. This is how we develop our spirituality; we practice!!!

20. Faith is a major component of inner peace. Remember that you can either have faith or not; it is a choice you make. Notice how you feel when you choose faith. Notice how you feel when you don’t.

21. Find time for a regular spiritual practice. Be creative. Use what you know you are attracted to in terms of solitude and tranquility.

22. Design a personal retreat, to feed your soul, at least once per year.

23. Remember, you are not alone. The good relationships you cultivate and care for over your lifetime will support you in your times of need. Cherish them.